Can a person fight circumstances. A little secret about dealing with circumstances

How often can you hear from people, and from yourself such a phrase: "I would do it, but circumstances do not give it."

And how often we ourselves feel hostage to circumstances.

Life sometimes throws up surprises for us, and they are not always good.

More religious people may say that “God gave, God took” and I can’t do anything about it.

But is it really so?

Is our fate not in our hands and circumstances do not depend on us?

It seems to me that if you think so, then you won't want to live anymore ...

For example, I think quite differently.

And in this article I will prove to you that:

• You can change the circumstances of your life, even when it comes to some external forces.
• Your thoughts directly affect the circumstances of a person's life.
• You can change your own destiny.
• You are stronger than circumstances.

The book by Allen James "How Man Thinks" will help me to prove it. It ranks first in the "" list. Then read an excerpt from this amazing book (it is so wise that I was delighted with it).

Who influences the circumstances of life?

Each person is in the place where he is now, thanks to the action of the law of his being.

The thoughts he was thinking shaped his current circumstances.

There is no place for chance in the structure of his life - it is the result of a law that knows no mistakes.

This statement applies equally to people who feel "out of harmony" with their environment, and to those who are satisfied with their living conditions.

As a progressive and evolving being, the individual learns to grow in all conditions.

Learning the spiritual lesson of current circumstances, he comes to other circumstances.

A person will remain under the yoke of life's hardships as long as he believes that his life depends solely on external conditions.

Realizing his creative power and the ability to command the “soil” and “seeds” (we are talking about a garden, I wrote in this article) of his being, thanks to which circumstances grow, he will become a full-fledged master of life.

The fact that circumstances are the fruit of thought is familiar to every person who has been practicing thought power, self-control and inner purification for a long time.

It is impossible not to notice that the change in external conditions directly depends on the changes in the mind.

When an individual strives decisively to correct defects in his character, he progresses to a large extent, his progress is greatly accelerated.

The soul attracts to itself everything that it conceals in itself - what it loves and also what it fears.

She either rises to the heights of innermost dreams, or falls to the level of unrefined instincts.

Circumstances are the means by which the soul receives everything that rightfully belongs to it.

How do thoughts affect circumstances?

Each "seed" of thought that has been planted in the mind, or allowed to fall into it and take root, grows and flourishes in the form of an action, further bearing the fruit of opportunities and circumstances.

Good thoughts bear good fruit, bad thoughts bear bad fruit.

The outer world is formed in accordance with the inner mental world.

Favorable and unfavorable living conditions are factors that serve the highest good of the individual.

As the "reaper" of his harvest, man knows both suffering and the radiance of glory.

Following the inner desires, aspirations and thoughts, which we allow to dominate in consciousness (either being carried away by the wandering fires of impure imagination, or persistently moving along the path of strong and lofty deeds), a person comes to the final result, manifested in all circumstances.

The laws of growth and adaptation are the same in all areas.

An individual finds himself in a shelter for the poor or in a prison not by an evil whim of fate or the will of circumstances - he is brought there by low thoughts and impure desires.

In the same way, a person who once possessed a bright mind does not commit a crime under the influence of stress or external force.

For a long time, the criminal thought secretly nestled in his heart and showed its power when the opportunity arose.

Circumstances do not shape a person - they reveal his character.

There are no conditions allowing a person to descend into sin and the suffering accompanying them without evil inclinations.

Equally, there is no way to ascend to virtue and pure happiness for one who does not cultivate virtuous aspirations.

Man is the lord and master of his thoughts, the creator of himself, the creator of his own environment.

Even at the moment of birth, the soul comes to receive what is due to it by right.

At every moment of her earthly journey, she attracts to herself a combination of events and external conditions, which are a reflection of her purity or impurity, strength or weakness.

People attract to themselves not what they want, but what they are inwardly attuned to.

Their whims, whims and ambitions are defeated at every turn, but the most intimate thoughts and desires continue to feed on their mental food, be it pure or impure.

A person can be imprisoned only by himself, and base thoughts and actions become the prison guards of Destiny. But noble thoughts and actions are the angels of Liberty releasing him.

The individual receives only the good earned by him - and not that for which he prays or desires. The answer to desires and prayers comes only if they are in harmony with thoughts and actions.

And if you want your desires to come true, but are not yet ready to work on them yourself - come to my free webinar, where

How to deal with circumstances?

In the light of this truth, what is the so-called "struggle with circumstances"?

The ignorant person constantly rebel against the external conditions of life, while simultaneously continuing to preserve and maintain in his heart the cause of their occurrence.

We can talk about conscious evil or unconscious weakness - but whatever it is, an internal obstacle holds back any attempts by a person to bring about change.

First of all, he needs to remove this barrier. Many people strive hard to improve their living conditions, but are not ready to improve themselves.

It is for this reason that they remain constrained.

A person who refuses to change himself will never succeed in achieving the goal towards which his heart is directed. This fact is true for both earthly and heavenly goods.

Even the enriching individual must be willing to make great personal sacrifices before his dream becomes a reality.

How much more is required of a person who forms the qualities of strength and tranquility in himself!

Many continue to indulge in the illusion that they are suffering because of their virtue.

But the truth is the opposite.

Is fate fair?

Until a person removes from the soul every painful, bitter and impure thought, he cannot with sufficient reason to claim that his suffering is the result of good and not bad qualities.

Working with his mind, he will discover the highest law, which is absolutely fair, and therefore cannot return good for evil, and evil - for good.

In the light of such knowledge, he will look at his past, at past ignorance and blindness, and see that his whole life was just and orderly.

All good and bad experiences of a person are impartial external manifestations of his evolving, but not yet perfected soul.

Good thoughts and actions can never lead to bad results.

Bad thoughts and actions can never lead to good results.

These statements are as true as the fact that only corn can grow from a corn seed and only nettles can grow from a nettle seed.

Almost all people understand this law in the natural world and act based on it, but only a few realize its applicability in the mental and moral world (although its action in these areas is also simple and invariable).

That is why they do not cooperate with this law.

Why does a person suffer?

Suffering is always caused by wrong thinking.

They indicate that the individual is not in harmony with himself, with the law of his being. The only supreme goal of suffering is to cleanse and burn all impure things.

Suffering stops for a purified person.

After all the slags have been removed from the gold, there is no point in smelting it. A completely pure and perfect being cannot suffer.

The circumstances that hurt the individual are the result of his own mental disharmony.

The circumstances that bring him blessings are the result of his mental harmony.

The measure of correctness of thinking is bliss.

The measure of wrong thinking is unhappiness.

Why can't we complain about fate?

An individual fully becomes a human at the moment when he stops groaning and complaining about fate, deciding to find the hidden justice that regulates his life.

By adjusting his mind to this balancing factor, he stops blaming anyone for his failures.

He chooses strong and noble thoughts.

Instead of fighting against circumstances, he begins to use their potential for faster progress.

He seeks to discover new strengths and abilities in himself.

The dominant force in the universe is law, not disorder.

How to quickly change your life?

If an individual radically changes his thoughts, he will be amazed at the rapid transformation of his environment.

Many of us are faced with situations, difficulties or circumstances in life that do not fit into the concept of happiness and well-being. Sometimes it is so impossible to accept a problem that it turns into an obsession, poisoning our entire existence. And if there are two or three such situations? What, not live at all, but suffer? Many psychologists in this regard say the classic phrase: "You cannot change the circumstances, change the attitude towards them." But how to do it: just like that, suddenly take it and change it? It's difficult. And then there are simply such bad circumstances that it is simply impossible to think of them in any other way, except as bad.

What then is to be done? It is best to still try to learn to accept the situation as it is: bad means bad, if you don't like it, you don't like it, but you should try to experience as little emotion as possible about this.

But this cannot be done just like that. It is necessary, so to speak, to "train": to reflect, analyze, compare, work on yourself and your feelings. How to do it - let's figure it out in order.

1) To begin with, you still need to understand whether there are solutions, outputs, opportunities for transforming this situation. Because accepting ANY situation is not a guarantee of your psychological peace. You will simply find yourself in the face of infantilism and inaction - you will constantly adapt to circumstances, "bend", and in a psychological sense, too, from which you will get even more displeasure. So close to the moment when you can bury yourself headlong into a pit of problems and get a real neurosis or.

2) If you fully calculate all the options for solving the problem and do not find a suitable one, then it will be easier for you to come to the understanding that you have done everything possible, the further depends on something else, but not on yourself. It can be assumed that with this approach, those very “disadvantageous” situations will be significantly fewer. And this, again, is a good help for the logic of thinking in the following framework: "Yes, I have problems that I can solve, there are problems that will help me to solve, but there are also those that cannot be solved and they just need to be accepted." Then life will seem to you more fair, adequate and logical - after all, everything in it is equally divided, why not?

3) Think about life as if it were on the scales, as a lottery, as a zebra - it's obvious. Yesterday I was lucky in this, today there was a failure in that, tomorrow something will happen too. Each person strives to make his life happier, calmer, more fulfilling - and this is his main task. He struggles with difficulties and accepts destinies, but if the difficulties are insurmountable, then let them just be, in the end, this is not a big part of your life, and this is already good.

4) Learn to pass everything through the prism of your own mental comfort. What does it mean? If you have already understood that the situation is beyond your control, then why waste your mental strength, nerves, and resources on worrying about it? Enlist a kind of “egoism”: “If I don’t like it, it doesn’t suit me, but I cannot change anything, then why would I waste my emotions on those who are to blame for this situation. There will be no sense anyway, and I, one way or another, will suffer. Therefore, I would rather take care of my peace of mind. "

For example, someone constantly makes you feel bad. I do not like? Then parry, fight, get rid of it. There is no way to get around this situation - as they say, “score” and “don't twitch”, if you are doing so badly, then why else should you spoil your nerves. Or you don’t like someone’s character - it’s hard with him (boss, comrade, husband,). So do not communicate with this person, do not work, do not live. And if necessary, then understand why you are doing this, why there is no turning back. Most likely, because it is to some extent "profitable" for you - because you get your advantages out of this situation. Sounds ridiculous at first, but think about it.

For example: you live badly with your husband's hard temper. Bad - divorce. However, their "buts" immediately arise: it is a pity for the child, there is no housing, there is not enough of our own for a decent life. But after all, millions of people in the world get divorced in any situation, so all of the above are your "advantages" from living together: you regret the child and want him a better life, it is convenient for you to use housing, you will not go to rent a room and eat only bread, but without " evil monster ", on your salary, you also do not want. This means that we put our comfort and our "benefits" in the first place, and we try to sweep aside uncomfortable circumstances in every possible way: do not pay attention, do not get hung up, do not cheat ourselves.

5) Try to look for at least some pluses around your situation. If you try hard enough, you can find them in many cases. Well, for example, a husband earns little and is unlikely to make a career - but he is kind and caring, or economic, or loyal. The evil mother-in-law was caught - but her son is good, but she lives separately. Well, there will definitely be some pluses in something. It is on them that you need to try to be guided.

6) We all love to compare ourselves, including with our other acquaintances. For one it is bad, for the second - something else, and for me - the third. Someone a little more fortunate in one, someone - in another. Go through some examples that are similar to your specific situation - but what about others? And you will surely see that everyone has different ways - this will again give you another opportunity to look at life more broadly and more philosophically: after all, everything in it is relative.

So "exercise", try, draw conclusions, and then many life circumstances will seem much more banal and simple for their experience and living.

People are shown by circumstances. Therefore, when some circumstance falls to you, remember that it was God, as a teacher of wrestling, who pushed you against a rude youth. - For what, - he says. - In order for you to become a winner at the Olympic Games. And you can't become without sweat. It seems to me that no one got a better circumstance than you got, if you want to use it like a young athlete. And so we send you to Rome as a spy. And no one sends a coward as an infiltrator, so that he, only hearing a rustle and a shadow, seeing, would come running in confusion and say that the enemies are already here. If you come just like that and tell us: “Terrible things in Rome. Dreadful is death, dreadful exile, dreadful reproach, dreadful poverty. Run, people, enemies - here ", we tell you:" Go away, prophesy to yourself. We were only mistaken in sending such a spy. "

Diogenes sent before you by the spy told us otherwise. He says that death is not evil, since it is not at all something shameful. He says that disgrace is the chatter of crazy people. And what about suffering, what about pleasure, what about poverty said this spy! And being naked, he says, is better than any garment with a purple stripe. Sleeping on bare ground, he says, is the softest bed. And as proof of all this, he cites his bold confidence, equanimity, freedom, and then the body is perishable, shining with health and knocked down. "There is no enemy nearby," he says, "everything is filled with peaceful rest." - "How so, Diogenes?" “Look,” he says, “Am I smitten, am I wounded, did I run away from someone?” This is the real spy. And you come and tell us this and that. Will you not go again and take a closer look, without this cowardice? What am I supposed to do? - What do you do when you get off the ship? Do you carry away the helm, do you carry the oars? What are you taking away? Own: lekith, knapsack. And here, if you remember yours, you will never claim someone else's. He tells you, "Take off the toga with the wide purple stripe." - "Here I am in a toga with a narrow purple stripe." - "Throw it off." - "Here I am just in a raincoat." - "Throw off your cloak." - "Here I am naked." - “But you make me jealous.” - “Take, therefore, this entire mortal body. I am still afraid of the one to whom I can give up this mortal body? " "But he will not leave me as an heir." Well, have I forgotten that all this was not mine? How do we call it "mine"? Like a bed in a hotel. So, if the innkeeper after his death leaves beds for you, you will have them, and if to another, that one will have them, and you will look for another bed. Well, if you don’t find it, then you will go to sleep on the bare ground, only with bold confidence, snoring to yourself and remembering that tragedies take place among the rich, kings and tyrants, and the poor do not participate in the tragedy, except as a member of the chorus ... And the kings start with well-being:

Decorate houses with wreaths

Then, action in the third or fourth:

Alas, Kiferon, why did he accept me ?!

You are a slave creature, where are the wreaths, where is the diadem? You don't need bodyguards anymore? So, when you approach one of them, remember that you are approaching a participant in the tragedy, not an actor, but Oedipus himself. "But such and such is blessed: he walks, accompanied by a whole crowd." And I join the crowd, and walk around with the whole crowd. Most importantly, remember that the door is open. Do not be cowardly, but like children, when they do not like the game, they say: “I don’t play anymore,” so do you, when something seems the same to you, say: “I don’t play anymore,” and you succeed, but if you stay then do not complain.

About the same

If all this is true, and we do not say out of stupidity or hypocrisy that the good of man lies in free will, as well as evil, and everything else has nothing to do with us, that we are still falling into confusion, that we are still falling into fear? Nobody has power over what we are seriously doing. We do not pay attention to what others have power over. What other concern might we have? "But give me directions." What directions can I give you? Didn't Zeus give you directions? Didn't he give you everything that is yours that is not subject to hindrances and not subject to obstacles, and all that is not yours is subject to hindrances and subject to obstacles? With what instruction did you come from there, with what order? Do your own food in every possible way, do not harass someone else. Honesty is yours. Conscientiousness is yours. So who can take them away from you? Who other than yourself will prevent you from using them? And you yourself - how? When you are seriously occupied with non-yours, then you have lost yours. With such covenants and instructions from Zeus - what else do you want from me? Am I better than him, am I more trustworthy? And if you observe them, will you need any more others? Didn't he give these instructions? Bring the general concepts, bring the proofs of the philosophers, bring everything that you often listened to, and bring everything that you yourself said, bring everything that you read, bring everything that you have accustomed yourself to.

How long will it be correct to observe them and not stop playing? As long as it is done well. On the Saturnalia, a king is chosen by lot. The point is that we decided to play this game. He orders: “You have a drink. You dilute the wine. Sing it. You go. You come. " I obey that the game does not stop because of me. "And you accept the opinion that evil has befallen you." I do not accept this opinion. Who will force me to accept such an opinion? Here again we agreed to play Agamemnon and Achilles. The one appointed to play Agamemnon tells me: "Go to Achilles and take Briseis from him." I'm going. Come. I come. After all, as we behave in conditional reasoning, so we should behave in life. "Let's say it's night." - "Let's say." - "Well, is it day?" - "No. After all, I accepted the condition that it was night. " - "Let's say that you accept the opinion that it is night." - "Let's say." - "But accept the opinion that it is night." - - "This does not follow from the condition." That's how it is here. "Let's say you're in bad luck." - "Let's say." - "Are you so unhappy?" - "Yes". - "Well, are you in misfortune?" - "Yes". "But also accept the opinion that evil has befallen you." - “This does not follow from the condition. And the other bothers me. "

So how long should such a command be obeyed? As long as it is expedient, that is, as long as I observe what is proper and appropriate. However, some are obese and fastidious and say: “I cannot dine with him to endure how he talks every day about how he fought in Mission:“ I have already told you, brother, how I climbed the hill. And now they start to besiege me again ”. Another says, "I prefer to dine and listen to all his chatter as much as he pleases." And you, too, compare these values. Just don't do anything if it bothers you, if it depresses you, if you accept the opinion that evil befell you from it. After all, no one is forcing you to do this. Smoke in the dwelling? If not too much, I stay. If there is too much, I go out. You just need to firmly remember that the door is open. "Don't live in Nikopol." - "I don't live." - "Not in Athens." - "Not in Athens." - "Not in Rome." - "Not in Rome." - "Live on Giara". - "I live." But it seems to me that living on Giara is a lot of smoke. I retire to where no one will stop me from living. After all, that dwelling place is open to everyone. And beyond the ultimate tunic, that is, the mortal body, no one has any power over me. Therefore, Demetrius said to Nero: "You threaten me with death, and nature for you." And if I cherish my mortal body, then I have surrendered to slavery. If it is perishable property, it means that he surrendered into slavery. After all, I immediately show against myself clearly how you can take me. It is as if the snake pulls back its head, I say: "Hit it according to what it protects." Know and you that exactly what you want to protect, and your master will come. With this in mind, who else will you flatter or fear? "But I want to sit where the senators are." Do you see that you are creating a difficulty for yourself, that you are depressing yourself? "How else will I be able to see clearly in the amphitheater?" Man, do not go to look, and you will not be depressed. What are you doing yourself trouble? Or wait a little, and when the show is over, sit down in the senatorial seats and bask in the sun. And in general, remember that we depress ourselves, we create difficulties for ourselves, that is, our opinions depress us and create difficulties for us. Indeed, what does it mean in itself to be vilified? Stand in front of a stone and vilify it. And what will you achieve by this? So if someone listens like a stone, what is the use of the reproach? And if the weakness of the reproached is accessible to the reproach, then he achieves something. "Rip it up." What do you say "him"? Take his cloak, rip it open. "I insulted you." - "To your health."

This is what Socrates taught himself to. Therefore, he never changed his face. And we prefer to practice in practice to accustom ourselves to everything, just not so that we become immune to obstacles and free. "Philosophers say paradoxical things." And in the rest of the arts, are there no paradoxical things? And what could be more paradoxical than pricking someone's eye in order for him to see? If someone said this to an ignorant person in medicine, wouldn't he laugh at him? So what is surprising if, in philosophy, many truths seem paradoxical to the ignorant?

What is the law of life

And while reading conditional reasoning, he said: The law of conditional reasoning is this one too: accept

what matches the condition. And what is much more important, the law of life is this: to do what is in accordance with nature. After all, if in every subject and circumstance we want to comply with nature, it is clear that in everything we must be determined not to avoid what corresponds to it, and not to accept what is contrary to it. Therefore, philosophers first train us in theory, where it is easier, and then they lead to more difficult. There is nothing here that distracts from following what is taught, but in life there is a lot of distraction. Therefore, the one who says that he wants to first exercise in life is ridiculous. It's not easy to start with the harder one.

And here is what justification should be given to those parents who are angry that their children are engaged in philosophy: “So, then, I am mistaken, father, and I do not know what is right for me and what is right. If it can neither be learned nor taught, why do you blame me? If you can teach, teach. And if you yourself cannot, let me learn from those who say they know it. What do you really think? That I voluntarily fall into evil and fail in good? In no case! What is the reason that I am wrong? In ignorance. So you don't want me to get rid of the ignorance? Who has anger ever taught the art of sailing, the art of music? So you think I'll learn the art of living through your anger? "

This can only be said by one who is committed to such an intention. And if someone reads them and goes to philosophers just out of a desire to flaunt at a feast with his knowledge of conventional reasoning, does he achieve something other than the admiration of the senator reclining next to him? After all, there are really powerful fortunes, and the local riches there seem to be children's toys. Therefore, it is difficult to hold firmly to one's ideas there, where the forces that knock them off are powerful. I know one who hugged Epaphrodite's knees in tears, complaining of his misfortune: he had nothing left, only a million and a half. What is Epaphrodite? I started laughing, how are you? No. Amazed, he says to him: “Unhappy! How were you silent, how did you endure? "

And when he embarrassed the one who was reading the conventional reasoning, the person who asked this reading began to laugh, he said: You are laughing at yourself. You did not prepare this young man with the exercises and did not know if he could understand them, but you treat him as the leader of the reading session. What, he said, should we entrust the expression of praise, we entrust the expression of censure, the expression of judgment about what is being done right or wrong, to a thought that cannot understand a judgment about a connecting judgment? And if he blasphemes someone, does he pay attention to it, and if he praises someone, does he ascend from it, since he cannot find consistency in such small things?

So, here is the beginning of philosophy: awareness of the state in which your own supreme part of the soul is. After all, after a person finds out that she is in a powerless state, he no longer wants to use her for important things. However, some who cannot swallow a piece will buy the essay and lash out to devour it. Therefore, they get vomiting or indigestion. Then colic, catarrh, fever. And they should be wondering if they can do it. But in theory it is easy to expose the ignorant, and in life no one gives himself up for exposure, and we hate the one who exposes. And Socrates said that you cannot live an unexplored life.

Every person dreams of being happy. Every person deserves happiness ... if he put his strength, mind, heart and soul into it.
I often hear from people that they are tired of the unfavorable circumstances for them, and they are tired of fighting with them.

A little secret for everyone, without exception!

There is no struggle with circumstances. Absolutely no. Dealing with circumstances is like dealing with windmills. Forgetting that they have an owner who built them in a good place for him, made them work using the power of the wind: he brought people to these mills, brought grain, receives flour, and then money, recognition, success, prosperity.
Any circumstance is just a consequence. Every circumstance has a reason - it is the person who created them.

Therefore, there is no struggle with circumstances. There is a struggle with oneself and the people who create the circumstances. There is a struggle with people so that they do not create circumstances that you do not like with their decisions and actions.
Life is arranged in such a way that one person does not like what the other likes and the first one wants to replace everything that the second did - with his own, so desired by him, with what he considers to be true.

Another secret for everyone, without exception!

You may not like something for several reasons:
1. You do not know how to do the same as others (sometimes it is very unpleasant to understand and worry).
2. You were once taught to react only in this way, and not otherwise (or you yourself have learned). We are all, to one degree or another, hostages of our own style of thinking. Sometimes, this style is very ineffective ... but it is not always noticeable to the person himself ...
3. It has always been difficult for you to adapt to new things. Man is such a creature - he resists any changes.
4. You think that your point of view is the only one correct. You have not yet met any confirmation of the fidelity of other points of view.
5. You may lack flexibility and systemic ability to work on yourself, developing new qualities and skills to adapt.
6. Sometimes you may not know something ...

And sometimes there is simply no person next to you who can help you understand yourself in order to make your life happier.

Why spend so much energy on the desire to win or subjugate the situation to yourself? Strength and time are inexorably running out, as if the sand is waking up through your fingers. In such a struggle, you can quickly get to the moment when the whole world becomes not nice, and you are disgusting to yourself ...
We can connect with the world and comprehend it as it really is.
To achieve a state of happiness or peace, success or efficiency (who is looking for what), you definitely - must be able to manage themselves, others and circumstances.

Women's wisdom is born in understanding yourself and the world order, and then in the ability to arrange your life so that you can love and be loved yourself ...

Success in life is born in the same way: first you understand your strengths and start using them, creating a business, gathering enthusiastic people around you, making a career, and then you improve ...

If you are on the verge of changes in your life - all the more it is worth understanding yourself better: what strengths you will rely on, and what you should tighten up ...

Those who decide to start a family or strengthen existing relationships should carefully study the laws of a happy life in order to develop the qualities that contribute to the creation of good relationships ...

We invite you to do all this on August 30 - September 1 at the legendary Elena Romanova "Spiritual Diving" in Moscow (which has been going on with short breaks since 2007).
Take the time to be more successful, happier, more confident ...

On Spiritual Diving we will work:
- with your goals,
- dreams,
- difficulties,
- business tasks
- and any questions.
With what is important to you and what excites you. You will have a lot of work on yourself, discoveries and your conclusions, which you will then rely on in your life.
Register on.
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THERE ARE MOMENTS….

When you just need to stop.

Stop to look around and determine where the chosen map of life has taken us. Stop for a breath of fresh air and decide whether to continue the old path or take a different route.

Have you ever heard the phrase: "Plans are written in the sand, not carved in stone?"

I first heard it in 2013 at one of the motivational trainings. I practically did not take anything from it into life: external motivation in the style of “pull yourself together, dude, you can do anything” was enough for a couple of months, and I returned to my usual way of life.

But I remembered that phrase for a long time.

Probably in order to remember her now, when I write this article. Or in order to make a paradoxical discovery three years later - the biggest changes happen when we agree with our powerlessness to change something.

Many believe that it takes an iron will and discipline to achieve your goals.

Tell me honestly, how many of your goals died before they were born?

How many to-do lists are left without the “done” checkbox?

How many desires have you given up after convincing yourself that they are not important or timely?

I personally have about a dozen, but I will not say anything about the lists of outstanding tasks.

It's not about willpower or lack of motivation.

We begin to do something either because of strong excitement (desire) or because of strong frustration. More often, precisely because of frustration, when there is no longer a single opportunity to postpone a decision. When, like a blind kitten, we poke our faces into the void and expect indulgences from the world. We beg, cry, call for help, take vows to be obedient and remember all the missed opportunities. We are ready to do at least something, just not to stay where we are now, ready to grab any help, like a straw for a drowning ... but once again it breaks off from our bulldog grip.

At such moments it seems to us that we cannot ask ourselves, we need to try our best and do what we must: swim against the tide, prove to everyone that is stronger than the circumstances, that we are ready to take a blow. We tell ourselves that we need to go, but even a small step is no longer left with any strength or desires.

There are moments ...

We seem to be stuck in two dimensions: we can't do it in the old way, but we don't know how in the new way.

Dead end. Stop.

Those of us who are used to hiding behind the illusion of stability, scolding ourselves for inaction, begin to fussily seek a way out of the impasse. They launch an endless stream of self-accusations, excuses and continue to beat their foreheads against the concrete wall. It mobilizes the remnants of strength, goes out of its way, makes new attempts with old meanings and comes to a natural result - another dead end.

Poor forehead. How many concrete walls do you need to know that it is stronger?

Sometimes our strength lies in the ability to refuse in time to do what does not work, admit our powerlessness and keep our forehead whole. Throw the white flag in the face of life and agree with the obvious: we are humans, not gods.

We are wrong.

Not because they are stupid and funny, but because it is normal to be wrong. It is not normal to close your eyes to your mistakes, continuing to do what inevitably brings you closer to the abyss. It is not normal to keep doing the old, waiting for new results. And it is completely abnormal to build oneself out of an iron man, wasting the remnants of vitality.

Perhaps we were not swimming in our own waters, you persistently continue to row further from your native shores.

It happens…

Allow yourself to be powerless. Give yourself permission to stop. Look around, feel the flow of life, feel the direction of the wind. This is possible only from a state of calm, when neither thoughts, nor emotions, nor, moreover, actions do not distract you from the point of "here and now."

Stop to absorb the experience, listen to the prompts of the soul, contemplate the new area, do not push yourself.

Stop at a red light, don't risk it. Yellow and green always light up behind the red signal. It is only important to wait for them, and until then - allow yourself a stop.
Perhaps this pause is needed in order to gain strength and start doing what is truly dear and important to your heart.

It happens…

The most turning points in my life and career happened when I accepted my powerlessness and paused. No plans, no work, no decisions.

From the rest point, I returned to psychological practice.

From a resting point, she decided to study systemic family psychotherapy

From the resting point came the long-awaited pregnancy and easy childbirth.

From a resting point, she changed the vector of business and created the Anti-goodness community.

Money came from the resting point.

I often see people get scared of stopping. How they scold themselves for periods of inactivity and lack of desire to do what is needed.

The prohibitions on pauses and stops take us back to childhood by their roots. You can probably classify yourself as one of those children whose parents tried to occupy every free minute with “useful activities”.

I myself am one of those children.

As a child, I really loved to lie on the bed with my legs up to the wall and dream about how I perform on stage in front of the audience. I imagined myself as a singer, sang songs and moved my legs along the wall, which created noise in the next parental room. Not strong, but still. Immediately my father came into the room and told me to do something useful. What exactly he did not specify, but meant some kind of socially useful activity, for example, cleaning.

And although in my time there was not yet such a large number of developmental centers, sections and fashion for tutors, but even this softening fact did not prevent the conviction from settling - “you should always be busy with something”.

Now I'm not afraid to stop. On the contrary, I observe myself with interest at the point of rest, because I know that in the end something very unusual will be born. Not a new version of the old one, but a radically different solution.

Does it guarantee me the result?

There will be a path, there will be travelers, passes and lodging for the night. Ascent and descent from the mountain. Perhaps, having descended to the next plateau of life, I will see that I was going the wrong way. Of course, I will be upset, feel powerless, I will regret the lost time. It is natural. It’s not natural to keep going down a dead-end route, just not to face your hard feelings. I'd rather meet them now than later, when the only motivation is deep frustration. It is better to stop now than it is pointless to wander into the jungle of misunderstanding and lack of meaning in what and why I am doing.

Friends, do not be afraid to stop. Do not be afraid of doing nothing and pauses.

Nature itself shows us this natural cycle: life - peace - life. For a healthy baby to be born, you need to wait 9 months. If you force events, then life will not happen. For spring to come, you need to experience winter peace. To meet the dawn, you need to be able to wait out the darkest time of the day.

The fact that we are changing the vector of movement does not mean that we are unmotivated, weak or undisciplined. This suggests that life is not a frozen structure. It changes, we change together with it. Each new turn of life changes our horizons, opens up new horizons. We learn to notice new routes, we admire other goals. This is fine. Each new period of life sets before us new development tasks, new spiritual goals and opportunities that we constantly discover in ourselves.

Friends, pause, listen to yourself. Your plans are not carved in stone - write them in the sand in order to timely hear the wind of change, which always seeks to break into the life of a truly passionate person. Perhaps it will turn out to be passing and will lead you to your goals in an easier way.