If the partners are incompatible what to do. Incompatibility in partners at conception: causes and treatment

Probably, many of us have heard that there is incompatibility of partners at conception, the signs of which can manifest themselves in different ways. For example, some couples simply can't get pregnant despite having regular sex and not using any form of contraception. In other cases, it may be a miscarriage, usually in the early stages of pregnancy.

If the partners for a long time fail to achieve the conception of a child, you should seek help from a doctor. Medicine today is very developed and can even cope with problems of this kind. In order for a specialist to prescribe a suitable treatment, he needs to determine for what reason there is incompatibility at conception. It is customary to distinguish two main causes: immunological and genetic.

What is characteristic of immunological incompatibility?

With this type of infertility, a woman can still become pregnant, but in most cases a miscarriage occurs if you do not contact qualified specialists. Research statistics are such that this incompatibility factor causes infertility in couples in about thirty percent of observed cases.

The difficulty of conceiving a child with immunological incompatibility lies in the fact that the woman's body reacts to the man's sperm as if it were a foreign body. The immune system produces protective antibodies to destroy the sperm.

The reason may lie in the body of a man, more precisely, in the fact that his own sperm can cause an allergic reaction.

In such cases, the fertilization of the egg is prevented by its antisperm bodies. Such incompatibility may also be the result of a woman's reaction to a particular man.

Among some scientists, it is widely believed that the number of such antibodies depends on the number of sexual partners. Various kinds of inflammation in the body of one of the partners can also cause the production of antisperm bodies.

In any case, in order to correctly identify and identify problems with conception, a compatibility test must be passed by both partners. With the help of such a test, you can determine how many antibodies are in the body and prevent miscarriage, as well as problems with the mental and physical development of the fetus.

After conducting the necessary tests and identifying this kind of incompatibility, the doctor can choose the appropriate course of treatment to eliminate the problem. The following recommendations are common:

The couple may be advised to use condoms for several months, which causes the woman's body to become less sensitive to sperm.
Practice the appointment of immunosuppressive drugs to cause suppression of immune responses.
Taking antihistamines.
The course of treatment with immunostimulants.
Sometimes intrauterine administration of the partner's semen is used.

Characteristics of genetic incompatibility

One of the widespread signs of genetic incompatibility is the rejection of the fetus by the woman's body.

This is due to the fact that one should take into account the compatibility of blood groups for conception, more precisely, the Rh factor, which is determined by the presence of specific proteins in the blood.

It is acceptable for partners to have different blood types, but the Rh must match. The presence of a mother with a different Rh factor from the father can lead to the birth of a child with mental or physical disabilities. The doctor notes that the presence of a negative RH in the father usually does not threaten the development of the unborn child. Much more unfavorable are the cases when the mother has a negative and the child a positive factor.

The conflict of factors is a consequence of the production of anti-Rhesus antibodies in the body of a woman, which contribute to the rejection of the fetus and can lead to miscarriage. The number of antibodies may increase or decrease. If their number has decreased, this indicates that they have been absorbed by the child's body and destroy his red blood cells. If such antibodies are detected in a woman's body, doctors can prescribe her the use of antiallergic drugs, vitamins and special procedures, the purpose of which is to purify the blood from antibodies (plasmaphoresis).

To date, there is also a way to transfuse blood to a child in the womb, but it is associated with certain risks.

If the newborn's Rh factor differs from the mother's, then there is a possibility of health problems. In addition, scientists and doctors note that the probability of having a healthy and strong baby is greater in those couples in which the father's blood type is higher than that of the mother.

When a couple with different Rh factors decides to conceive a child, a woman is advised to undergo a course of specially designed therapy in order to reduce the likelihood of rejection of the fetus by the mother's body. To do this, you will need to take blood tests (to determine the compatibility factor) to determine the Rh factor and blood type of partners. It is also important to be under the constant supervision of qualified specialists and be very attentive to your health and well-being. There is a special table, using which you can determine the compatibility of blood types at conception.

- A lot of people, especially young people, believe that sexual compatibility is critical to the preservation of a marriage. Therefore, it is believed that before getting married, a man and a woman must definitely check how compatible they are with each other.

- Sexual compatibility is one of the components of the relationship between a man and a woman, and this concept has the right to life. But for the preservation of marriage, physiological compatibility is far from decisive. After all, a family cannot be built on sex alone. Sex without love is a one-night stand that emasculates a person energetically and spiritually. And if people love each other, then they become sexually compatible automatically, because sex only adds to the depth of the relationship between a man and a woman.

- Many people cannot understand what can not be combined in sex? Can you explain on a physiological level?

“For example, he has five minutes of intercourse before ejaculation, and she has eight minutes before orgasm. And there may be some sexual incompatibility. He is “already”, and she is “still”, and if this is repeated every day, this can lead to psychological breakdowns. But a woman can be brought to orgasm not only with her penis, there are many different ways for this, a man must love a woman, and then everything will be fine with them.

- And these time periods are rigid and cannot be changed artificially?

- Surely they can! Most often, a woman adjusts, it is more convenient for her. A woman can adapt, and a man too. There are methods that allow you to do this for hours.

In St. Petersburg, there are statistics that indicate that the duration of sexual intercourse for a woman is 8 minutes, and for a man - 7 minutes. If you look at these statistics, all our women are unhappy, because we stop intercourse a full minute before they reach orgasm. But this is far from true. If a couple is loving, then everything happens normally, at the same time, with pleasure.

Loving couples adjust not only by the duration of sexual intercourse, but also by physiological parameters. There are situations when a woman has a vagina N cm, and in a man during an erection, the length of the penis 3 N see Surprisingly, during intercourse, a woman's vaginal neck lengthens, and she does not experience pain, even when a man enters the penis to its full depth. It all depends on personal relationships.

“And contraction is also possible if the penis is shorter than the vagina?”

- If a woman does not love a man, the contraction of the vagina does not occur, and he rushes about in her from wall to wall and does not understand what is wrong. But the fact is that she does not love you, she does not “hug” you, neither with her hands, nor with the walls of the vagina ...

Moreover, if a man and a woman love each other, it is unlikely that the man will suffer from sexual impotence. Physiology is secondary in this matter. The problem with erection depends on whether there is personal contact between a woman and a man, whether they are attractive to each other, close spiritually or not.

What does physiology depend on? From the blood supply. And the flow of blood into the penis depends on the desire to possess this person, on love. I always say: if you don’t love a woman, don’t go to the cinema with her (meaning the word “cinema” is somewhat different), because you may have erectile dysfunction at that moment, and you will remain with this memory for life. But if there is love, then such a violation can be restored.

“So science confirms the existence of love?”

Yes, science confirms the existence of love.

- Some young girls believe that a woman who lost her virginity before marriage is more likely to maintain a relationship - because she knows a lot in bed.

“That is far from true. There is an opinion that all prostitutes will be good wives in the future. This is a myth, such women morally represent the ruined remnants of Atlantis. And men, like fine structures, feel a lie, even if it is veiled. And not every man will like that his wife or fiancee showed him in bed "wow."

“Which she was taught by no one knows.

- That's it. I would have left a residue ... No, I am not a supporter of premarital sex.

- There is a myth that promiscuous sex life, not to mention venereal diseases, benefits the body. There is an opinion in society that some don Juan who changes partners left and right will not have health problems. And someone who abstains can have "spermotoxicosis." So which is better - abstinence or revelry?

“If the choice was between abstinence and revelry, I would choose abstinence. The body and all its functions suffer from an irregular sexual life.

- She can be regular, but with different women.

- She also suffers with different women, because a different woman is a different flora. Today you are faced with one flora, tomorrow with another, the day after tomorrow with a third ... Try to adapt the body and immunity to different floras! It's extremely hard! Manifestations of dysbacteriosis begin, men come with complaints that they have opened ulcers on the penis. You examine - there is no infection nearby. A decrease in cellular immunity on the glans penis, on the foreskin leads to illness.

What changes are taking place in a person? I saw these "Don Juan", they are somehow destroyed, they look like the living dead.

- Yes, they are destroyed, in their eyes we see emptiness. No wonder it was said by the great ones that the eyes are the mirror of the soul. Well, if we see emptiness, then what kind of soul can we talk about? Such people are destroyed, both internally and externally.

- How often do you see such that a person walked for ten years, and then became a good husband? Good not in the sense of making money, but faithful, loving.

- It happens sometimes. These are people worthy of respect. This can be compared with alcoholism, with people who use drugs or other vices. This is a vice, and if a person was able to get rid of it, then this person, firstly, deserves the deepest respect, and secondly, his family has good chances. He overestimated the situation, he missed it through himself, blood, soul.

- People who consider abstinence harmful are often propagandists of onanism. They say if you can't have a relationship, then this is a must. Is masturbation a substitute for sexual intercourse?

- Onanism is a surrogate for sexual intercourse. But, of course, it is not a complete replacement. It does not train the prostate gland in the same way as sexual intercourse with a loved one.

The prostate gland is the most important organ for a man's health, producing the liquid component of semen. During natural intercourse, the muscular membrane of the prostate gland contracts, and it squeezes out all the contents from all the nooks and crannies. This is because the emotional component is turned on. If we are engaged in one on one with ourselves, then this component will not exist, even if we consider porn. With onanism, muscle tissue does not work at full strength. She splashes something, but leaves a significant amount in herself, which leads to stagnation, congestive phenomena, that is, to prostatitis. As a result, there are violations of sexual function, because it is possible to achieve ejaculation not on a fully erect penis. And during intercourse, this can not be. It's like money - you either have it or you don't. It's the same here: either you have an erection and will have normal intercourse, or you don't have an erection.

- Summing up our conversation, it turns out that if you met a person, you need to think not about sexual compatibility, but about whether you are suitable for each other, what feelings are between you, is there love between you and can you keep it?

- Absolutely right. There is a French anecdote: young people met, went to bed, and in the morning he says to her: "Honey, let's go to the cinema, it brings you together."

Do you feel the viciousness of what is happening in this joke, on the one hand, and on the other hand, the bright thought that was expressed by this man in the morning? I would advise people who have met: the first is to sort out feelings, the second is to identify positions, either you love or you don’t love. That is, first go to the movies, and then go to bed.

You need to get to know each other, walk around, hug, kiss, hold each other's hands, look into the eyes, warm each other with feelings. And sexual intercourse should be like the apogee, like the final and strengthening pinnacle of these relationships. And it is better for you if this apogee comes already in marriage. This sequence of relationships is the most acceptable, at least for me.

Usually, after several years of active planning, searching for the reasons for not having a cherished pregnancy, a married couple decides to consult a geneticist. In our country, genetics consultation, unfortunately, is not as popular as in Europe and North America. But every year the percentage of couples that include a partner compatibility test in the initial stage of preparation for pregnancy is increasing.

Partner incompatibility

There are several types of incompatibility:

immunological;
incompatibility of partners for the Rh factor;
genetic;
psychological.

Immunological incompatibility of spouses

This type of incompatibility is a negative reaction of the woman's body to the partner's sperm. That is, the woman's immune system, perceiving the spermatozoa as alien and dangerous to the body, begins the production of "antibodies" that prevent the fertilization of the egg by spermatozoa.

In addition, antibodies in large quantities can occur not only in the female body. A healthy man's sperm can also contain sperm-destroying antibodies, and if some do manage to survive and reach an egg, there is a threat of a problem pregnancy or aborted pregnancy.

Therefore, both spouses are sent for examination. A man must pass a spermogram and a MAR test without fail. A spermogram is a semen donation to determine the number of spermatozoa, their motility, quality, viscosity and sperm liquefaction time. Also, this analysis shows the presence of viral diseases. The MAR test is aimed at detecting antibodies in the seminal fluid that prevent the fertilization of the egg. According to the WHO recommendation, the MAR test is best taken in conjunction with a spermogram. In order for the result to be accurate, it is necessary to take tests only in reproductive medicine clinics, that is, in clinics specializing in IVF. For analysis, a man must comply with certain requirements, namely, within 4-6 days before passing the seminal fluid for research, it is necessary to refrain from nicotine, taking alcoholic beverages and medicines, from sexual activity, hot baths and baths. The latter requirements are due to the fact that high temperatures adversely affect spermatozoa.

Definition of immunological incompatibility

To confirm the female "allergic" reaction to the partner's ejaculate, the following tests exist:

Shuvarsky-Sims-Guner test;
Kurzrock-Miller test.

All tests are carried out during the ovulatory period. Be sure to avoid taking medications at this time.

Sample "Shuvarsky-Sims-Guner" or a postcoital test is performed on the day of the expected ovulation and 4-5 hours after intercourse. The analysis is taken by taking mucus from the posterior fornix of the vagina and the cervical canal, after which the behavior of spermatozoa is examined under a microscope. If the spermatozoa make oscillatory movements instead of translational movements, this means that antisperm antibodies are present in the cervical mucus. Next, a quantitative assessment is carried out. If there are more than 10 motile sperm, the test is positive. If less than 10, the result is considered questionable and needs to be repeated. If motile spermatozoa are completely absent or make pendulum movements, the test is negative.

Kurzrock-Miller test very similar to the postcoital test, but the test material is taken directly from both partners. In addition, the couple must refrain from “personal life” for several days before the test, refuse to take alcohol and medicines.

There are two ways to conduct the test - direct and cross.

The direct method is a study of the interaction of cervical mucus and sperm, which are combined in a test tube. The cross method uses biomaterial from donors who have children.

On the day of ovulation, mucus is taken from the cervix for analysis. It is placed between two glasses. Next, they take the biomaterial of the spouse and the donor and place it in the gaps formed. Within six hours at a temperature of 37 ° C, mucus interacts with sperm. The quality indicators of the husband's ejaculate are checked in the same way using the cervical fluid of the spouse and the donor woman.

If at least half of the spermatozoa do not die and remain active during interaction with the biomaterial, the result of the test is considered positive.

Unfortunately, immunological infertility is currently poorly understood. For gynecologists, andrologists and doctors associated with the reproductive system, the emergence of antibodies that interfere with successful fertilization still remains a mystery. Not always carried out treatment of a married couple helps to achieve the desired goal - pregnancy and the birth of a healthy child. But still, there is a cure.

Methods for the treatment of immunological incompatibility

The first method is aimed at reducing the sensitivity of the female body to sperm. Condoms must be used for several months.
The second method is taking antihistamines.
The third method is the appointment of various doses of corticosteroids in the week before ovulation.
The fourth method is the procedure of artificial insemination, IVF or ICSI. Artificial insemination is a relatively simple, safe and cheap alternative to expensive IVF and ICSI methods.

The procedure must be carried out on the eve of ovulation. The sperm of the spouse is introduced into the uterine cavity with the help of a catheter. Artificial insemination makes it possible to exclude the cervical canal, where, with immunological incompatibility, mucus is formed, which has a detrimental effect on spermatozoa, and thereby increase the chances of success.

There are two types of artificial insemination. The first is carried out using the raw sperm of the spouse. This method has a low result and carries the risk of an allergic reaction.

The second method is the introduction of processed spermatozoa into the uterine cavity. Fresh sperm is placed in a special centrifuge in which the spermatozoa are separated. After that, they are placed in saline. This manipulation is repeated three times. It is this processed mixture that is injected into the uterus. This method is safer and more efficient. On average, after artificial insemination, pregnancy occurs in 10-12% of couples. This procedure can be repeated no more than 3-4 times, since after the third time the chance of getting pregnant drops sharply.

IVF or in vitro fertilization is one of the ways to treat infertility. The essence of the technique is that the egg is fertilized and develops outside the body of the expectant mother. On the 2nd - 5th day after fertilization, an embryo is already transferred into the uterus, which further develops as in natural fertilization. Usually, at least two embryos are transferred to increase the chances of a positive result. After the embryo transfer, two weeks later, the woman donates blood for hCG to confirm the onset of pregnancy or its absence.

The main complication after IVF is ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome against the background of the use of ovulation stimulants.

The ICSI method is very similar to IVF and is usually carried out as part of it. This technique is prescribed when the sperm of the spouse is of poor quality. The most active, high-quality and viable spermatozoon is selected from the ejaculate sample, which is injected directly into the mature egg using a special needle. The procedure takes place under the full control of a specialist and, unlike in vitro fertilization, is no longer so close to natural conception.

Incompatibility of spouses by Rh factor

This is the reaction of a woman's immune system to a fetus that has a different Rh factor and blood group. This type of incompatibility is not significant. Since usually, with any combination of blood groups and Rh factors, pregnancy can occur.

Rh factor is an antigen (protein) found on the surface of red blood cells. Erythrocytes are red blood cells. If this antigen is present in the blood, then the person has a positive Rh factor. If not, then the person is Rh negative.

Women with a negative Rh factor are at risk, since a positive Rh factor of the father, as a dominant trait, is transmitted to the child. The erythrocytes of the fetus easily enter the mother's blood through the placenta, in turn, the woman's immune system begins to produce antibodies to fight the red blood cells of the embryo. The result of incompatibility may be an early miscarriage, fetal death at a later date, or the appearance of a hemolytic disease in a child.

A woman with a negative Rh blood, when planning a pregnancy, must definitely check the level of antibodies in the blood to the Rh factor. Starting from the 7th week of the onset of pregnancy, strict control over the level of antibodies is necessary. Within 72 hours after birth, it is necessary to introduce anti-Rhesus immunoglobulin.

Genetic incompatibility

Genetic incompatibility of spouses is a conflict at the chromosomal level.

In the body of each person, there are HLA genes or tissue antigens. They are divided into two classes. Genetic incompatibility is the similarity of class II HLA genes in spouses.

HLA II or leukocyte antigen is a protein that is present on the surface of every human cell.

Protein function:

detection of a virus that promotes cell mutation;
recognition of a bacterium with its own genotype;
detection of structural changes in one's own cell.

Almost every day, some cells in our body undergo mutations, but destroyed in time, they are not dangerous. Otherwise, cell mutation threatens oncology.

A child's HLA genes are made up of the father's HLA genes and the mother's HLA genes. Most often, these genes are not similar to each other. In this case, when the embryo is implanted to the walls of the uterus, the mother's body perceives the child as a half "foreign" formation and begins to produce antibodies to the father's HLA II genes. These specific antibodies are aimed at protecting and preserving the embryo. That is, thanks to them, the female immune system stops considering the fetus as a change in its own cells, and pregnancy continues to develop safely.

If the HLA of the spouses are similar, the female body does not perceive the “paternal” component in a small amount. The immune system sees mutated (oncological) cells of the mother in the fetus and begins to fight them. As a result, even before the onset of the first trimester, either a miscarriage or a missed pregnancy occurs.

Signs and detection of genetic incompatibility of spouses

The diagnosis of "genetic incompatibility" is very rare in spouses who are not related. If the pregnancy is interrupted or a missed pregnancy occurs, and the attending physician has not identified any infectious, immunological or other causes of miscarriage, the couple should consult a geneticist.

When analyzing for compatibility, a couple takes blood from a vein. From the venous blood of each spouse, pure DNA is isolated, which is subjected to in-depth analysis, after which it undergoes a comparative study. The analysis takes approximately two weeks.

Complete incompatibility is diagnosed extremely rarely, and, unfortunately, nothing can be done about it. Most often, partial incompatibility is fixed. Under the supervision of an experienced geneticist, there are ways to regulate it at all three stages: from planning to pregnancy.

One treatment option is medication. Depending on the individual situation of the couple, spouses are sent for IVF or ICSI.

Psychological incompatibility of spouses

When planning a pregnancy, a very important aspect is the "climate" in the family. Everyone knows that our emotional state affects how our body works.

Spousal dissonance can be caused by many factors. For example, material wealth, nationality and religion, relations with relatives, social status and, of course, the physiological aspect have a great influence on the relationship of spouses and the emotional state of each of them. The inability of a couple to hear each other, understand the problem and solve it, leads to the accumulation of resentment, negativity, disappointment in their “soul mate”. But it is the emotional state, especially during the planning of pregnancy, that affects the functioning of the body.

A negative attitude towards your partner, everyday problems, material well-being, a woman's desire to combine a career with motherhood, and a negative attitude of a spouse and relatives towards this desire, all this can cause infertility at a psychological level. Scientists have proven that it is often the "stretched" relationship in a couple that is one of the reasons for the appearance of "anti-sperm" antibodies in both the female and male bodies. In addition, the psychological factor can also affect the female hormonal background, and even poor patency of the pipes.

The main step towards overcoming psychological incompatibility is the recognition of her spouses, and the desire to overcome. Every time you have a problem, try to put yourself in your partner's shoes. Think about whether it is worth getting offended at all and starting quarrels over trifles. Women are encouraged to tell the man directly what they expect from him. Men don't take hints. They need to set clear goals. Men should also remember that his wife, just because she belongs to the "fair sex", is not required to carry all the housework. Distribute responsibilities, she cooks - he washes dishes, she does wet cleaning - he vacuums. You should not have sex just for the sake of conceiving a child, relax and have fun. Talk more and spend time together.

Summing up

The emergence of new life into the world is a complex, still quite mysterious process. Yes, modern methods of treating incompatibility of spouses are not always effective, but medicine does not stand still, and every day the secret of human birth is gradually revealed to us. In addition, there are many examples when a couple with a disappointing diagnosis of "infertility" miraculously has a child without treatment and medical interventions.

If you are still not able to get pregnant, in no case should you despair and get hung up on this. Very often, spouses, in a fit of anger caused by hopelessness, begin to blame each other for failures. Stop, calm down and think that your loved one is next to you. You must support each other. And then you will succeed.

Video - Rhesus conflict during pregnancy

Infertility is a common problem in the modern world, and there are a lot of reasons for its occurrence. First of all, these are diseases in the male and female parts, and the incompatibility of partners can also be the cause of problems with conception.

Incompatibility can provoke miscarriages at different times, so patients with such a violation are given special attention and an examination is prescribed. Even if the pathology is confirmed, this does not mean that the couple will never be able to have children. In this case, you need to pay special attention to the planning period, and see a doctor in the first days after conception in order to maintain the pregnancy.

Incompatibility of partners during conception is divided into the following types:

biological;
by microflora;
by blood;
genetic factor.

Checking partners for compatibility is carried out in a clinic, using special tests. Which analysis will be prescribed depends on the patient's history and the type of incompatibility expected, the decision is made by the doctor.

Let us consider in detail all types of incompatibility of partners.

biological

Such incompatibility of partners occurs most often. The woman's body secretes immune bodies that kill sperm, preventing them from fertilizing the egg. This is due to the fact that the body perceives the male sperm as an infection or an allergen.

Causes of immunological incompatibility:

complication after abortion;
infectious diseases in both partners;
drinking and smoking;
malnutrition, vitamin deficiency;
promiscuity of a partner or the woman herself;
Allergy to ejaculate in a man.

It happens that a woman has an allergic reaction to the sperm of one man, but this is rare.

genetic

The cause of miscarriages in the early stages or the development of fetal pathology may be the genetic incompatibility of the parents. In order for pregnancy to occur and the child to be born healthy, it is necessary that different sets of chromosomes meet. If they are very similar, then the partners are considered incompatible.

If the chromosomes of the parents are different, then the uterus begins to produce substances that protect the embryo from attacks by the female body. But if the couple is genetically incompatible, then the body destroys the embryo as if it were a tumor or an inflammatory process.

This problem can be solved with the help of IVF under the supervision of specialists. And to diagnose genetic incompatibility, the couple takes a blood test.

By microflora

A fairly rare species is the incompatibility of partners in the microflora. In this case, the spermatozoa cannot survive in the too aggressive environment of the vagina and die. This condition can be diagnosed with a smear for bacterial culture.

As a rule, various infections in the vagina and urethra become the cause of incompatibility. After eliminating the pathogens and normalizing the microflora of the vagina, it is possible to restore the possibility of conception.

By blood

The reason for the incompatibility of partners may be a negative Rh factor in a woman. If a man also has a negative one, then no problems will arise, and if it is positive, then the woman’s body will be hostile to the embryo and destroy it.

Usually, the Rh conflict does not appear during the first pregnancy. But if a woman had an abortion during her first pregnancy, or is planning a second child, then there are possible problems with conceiving and bearing a fetus. To diagnose the disorder, both partners are tested for the Rh factor.

signs

Can there be incompatibility of partners during conception, we figured it out, consider the signs that allow us to suspect such a violation:

the couple has not been able to conceive a child for more than a year, and the reasons for the results of the survey have not been identified;
a woman constantly miscarries, for no apparent reason.

As a rule, infertile couples with incompatibility are completely healthy, but pregnancy still does not occur.

Treatment

Treatment will depend on the type of incompatibility of partners, it is carried out individually. But even genetic incompatibility is not a complete contraindication to the conception of a baby. The only thing is, the fertilization process will have to be carried out under artificial conditions, with the help of IVF with ICSI.

With immunological incompatibility, a woman will be prescribed drugs that suppress the production of immunity. Intrauterine insemination can also help with solving the problem.

Valeria Protasova

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The dream of every woman is to meet the very soul mate with whom you can create a happy family and live “in sorrow and joy” until the very gray hairs. And the half really once “knocks on your door”, but not everyone manages to live together until the very gray hairs - some family boats go to the bottom. And all because there is no "foundation" of relations - compatibility between spouses.

What is it, and how to find harmony in marriage?

What is compatibility in the relationship of spouses - signs of complete compatibility and harmony in marriage

The term "compatibility" in this case can be called a multi-level "pyramid", in which all levels are interdependent and intersected.

The main ones are:

Physiological compatibility. Initially, it occurs at the first mutual sympathy. It includes the understanding that you like everything in a person - his appearance, smell, his gestures and facial expressions, manner of speech and gait, and so on.
Intimacy can also be attributed to the 1st point. Or compatibility. The satisfaction received by both partners speaks of their compatibility.
psychological compatibility. It is of great importance and has a powerful effect on them, regardless of the presence / absence of physical compatibility. In general, without going into philosophical reasoning, the essence of this type of compatibility can be expressed in one phrase - "they understand each other perfectly."
Intelligent Compatibility. It is also of considerable importance, given that a well-read person with serious intellectual capabilities, who is constantly looking for new ways for self-development, simply will not be able to build his life for a long time with a partner with whom there is nothing to talk about, except about the menu for tomorrow. This type of compatibility includes common interests, harmony in joint leisure, watching movies and listening to music, discussing news, and so on.
Household compatibility. He never twists his toothpaste cap and leaves it on the sink, and she doesn't like to do the dishes in the evening. He brews a tea bag 2-3 times, and she prefers to drink brewed tea. He loves to waste money and lives one day, she is a great housekeeper. Household incompatibility breaks family boats into pieces, sometimes in the first year of marriage. And sometimes just because the dishes in the sink are left in the morning every day.
Socio-psychological compatibility. A story from the heading "The Prince and the Pauper". She is a girl from the working class, he is a representative of the golden youth. This union in 80% of cases is doomed to collapse. In addition, the environment of each partner, status, communication environment, and so on, also matter.

Signs of compatibility in marriage

How to understand that you are two halves that have developed in life like puzzles, and not strangers who will one day discover that there is nothing in common between them?

What are the signs of compatibility?

You are spiritually compatible. Your goals, needs, views and opinions, interests and attitudes are united and coordinated.
You are compatible in terms of the properties of characters and the emotional sphere , and are able to exist in a single domestic space without conflicts.
You are united in matters of raising children and organization of family functions.
You get mutual pleasure from intimacy and just from the presence of a partner next to you, and your temperaments (appetites) are the same.
You have no disagreements on issues of nationality and religion.
You have normal and equal relations with relatives partner (mutual).

Summing up, we can say that the full compatibility of partners is their compatibility in all spheres of life and aspects.

When matched less than 70-80% talk about poor compatibility and a high risk of divorce.

Factors of psychological compatibility of partners - what ensures harmony in the relationship of spouses?

As noted above, psychological compatibility is most important in the joint life of spouses. A happy union is built on the stability of relationships, which are impossible in the absence of all the components of psychological compatibility.

What factors ensure harmony in the psychology of marital relations?

emotional side.
The degree of affection of spouses to each other.
Degree of social maturity.
Psychophysical level of spouses. It is ideal when the temperaments, the biological rhythm of life, and the peculiarities of the work of the sense organs coincide in a couple. Tension happens in relationships where he is an owl, she is a lark (or vice versa). Or where he is a choleric, and she is a phlegmatic.
similarity of characters. The closer the spouses are to each other in character, the safer and more confident they feel together. This is where the principle of complementarity comes into play.
Compatibility.
And, of course, the general cultural level, including common interests.

Signs of incompatibility in the relationship of spouses - do not miss the moment!

How to understand that you are incompatible?

The main signs of incompatibility of partners are the following:

genetic incompatibility.
Fight for financial resources. That is, quarrels that arise on the basis of which of the two earns and who spends. Material squabbles kill any positive beginning in a young family.
intellectual incompatibility. For example, she, refined and intelligent, loves to read the classics, writes philosophical articles, goes to the theater and quotes Brodsky, but he does not understand how the Primer differs from War and Peace, picks his teeth with a fork, soulfully pours obscenities and considers work in garage is the ultimate dream.
Sensual incompatibility. Each spouse periodically has a desire to escape at least for a while away from the partner. Also, sometimes both are visited by the thought - "we have become strangers to each other."
Different mentalities. He was raised in a wealthy Muslim family, she was raised in a working-class atheist family. Everyone has their own views on life, principles and values. Everyone thinks their position is correct. Intransigence with each other's positions will sooner or later lead to a break.
Inability to communicate. He withdraws into himself during conflicts. She is able to express dissatisfaction only with screams and tears. The inability to talk is the cause of the breakups of many couples.
moral incompatibility. She is a believer, quiet, incapable of conflict, insult, swearing. He is the complete opposite.
Household incompatibility.

Causes of psychological incompatibility of partners - so who is to blame?

The list of reasons for psychological incompatibility can be endless. And it is impossible to single out any one side as guilty, because no one can be guilty of incompatibility of characters.

Another question is if both spouses are quite capable of changing the situation through compromise and concessions, but both have no desire - in this case, there is simply no need to talk about any compatibility.

So, why spouses can be psychologically incompatible - the main factors:

No spark. Physiology - 5 points, there are no material quarrels, one culture and religion, excellent relations with relatives on both sides, but ... there is no love (spark). Such relationships are most often doomed to parting.
Nothing to talk about.
Contrasting interests, opinions, tasks.
Different personality types , "chasm" in the characters.
Bad habits. In this case, we are talking not only about smoking and other bad habits, but about other chronic shortcomings (strong snoring, sloppiness, absent-mindedness, etc.).
Immaturity - age, personal, social . One already at the age of 18 is able to take responsibility and make serious decisions on his own, while for the other at 40 only childhood ends.

It is worth noting that, oddly enough, the compatibility of natures and characters can also become a psychological mismatch. For example, two pronounced leaders in a family are always a roll of the family boat. As well as two phlegmatic people who “spit at the ceiling” for a couple and are waiting for changes.

In general, we can talk about psychological incompatibility with negative answers to the following questions:

Are you able to talk to your spouse “about nothing” (just chatting at dinner, on a walk, on the road)? Do you have something to talk about? Are you able to talk for 2-3 hours in a row without losing interest in each other?
Do you think that you have a strong mutual love?
Can you imagine both of you in your old age with grandchildren?
Are you calm about each other's everyday bad habits (unwashed dishes, scattered things, etc.)?
Are your IQ test scores similar?
Do you have a good relationship with your partner's relatives (and he with yours)?

If there are more than 3 "No" answers - It means that it is time to change something in your family life.

Is it possible to achieve compatibility in love and marital relationships - what to do if the family boat lurched?

A marital relationship is inherently impossible without trust, mutual understanding and… compromises.