What is self-love and self-respect? Selfishness - what is it? Sick or wounded pride - what does it mean.
a moral feeling, in which a person expresses respect for himself as a person, based on the recognition of his dignity. Like pride, S. is an expression of a person's self-consciousness and in a certain way directs his actions, but, unlike her, is more personal, belongs entirely to the area of \u200b\u200bindividual consciousness and is connected in the main. with an assessment of their own abilities and capabilities. In cases where S.'s feeling becomes stable hallmark the nature of this or that - a person, it acquires the value of a moral quality. S. is a positive motive for behavior (and, accordingly, a quality) insofar as it helps a person in overcoming difficulties and his own weaknesses in order to achieve the results that he expects from him, and because it encourages a person to legitimately defend his dignity. But although S. often plays a positive role in people's behavior, it still does not make a person a conscious bearer of the ideas of communist morality, since in this case he performs actions for his own sake, in order to gain respect from those around him. S. becomes negative quality when it turns from a demanding attitude towards oneself into unreasonable pride, into self-deception, which prevents a person from listening to comradely criticism, soberly assessing his actions and opportunities, and correcting his behavior. Such a sick S. plays the opposite role, paralyzing the activity of the individual, and ultimately humiliates human dignity.
Encyclopedia of sayings“In order to love your neighbor as yourself, you first need to love yourself right. Self-love is a distortion of love in relation to oneself. Self-love is the desire for the indiscriminate fulfillment of the wishes of the fallen will, guided by a falsely named reason and an evil conscience. St. Ignatius
The Holy Fathers distinguish three main types of self-love: love of money, love of glory, voluptuousness, based on the words of St. app. John about the three temptations of the world: “For everything that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but of this world”(). The Fathers identified voluptuousness with the lust of the flesh, the love of money with the lust of the eyes, and the love of glory with worldly pride.
Should a Christian love himself?
Love is one of the essential Divine properties (see more details:). This means that God from eternity abides in Love for Himself. To put it differently, all the Divines abide in mutual, penetrating love, and at the same time, Each of Them nourishes love towards Himself.
Man is created in the image and likeness of God (see:). The ability to love is one of the features of this most heavenly image.
Therefore, there is nothing reprehensible in a person’s love for himself, however, if we are talking about love in the correct sense of the word, and not about a proud, selfish feeling, self-love.
A person’s love in relation to his own personality is not only allowed by God, but is also elevated by Him into a model of love for: “Love your neighbor as yourself” ().
But what does the phrase "love yourself" mean? To love oneself is to live the fullness of a god-like life, to love life itself as Divine, to have joy in the Lord, to strive to fulfill one's highest and destiny. If God loves a person, then does a person himself have the right to treat himself with dislike (acting contrary to the Almighty)?
There is much in common between love for oneself and love for one's neighbor (neighbours), in particular the following.
Just as love for one's neighbor implies a desire for his happiness, so love for oneself implies a movement towards happiness. After all, man was created for, and not short-term, as is the case in the conditions of present life, but for the eternal and unceasing.
The path to this blessedness lies through the communion of one's life with the life of the Universe, with the life of Christ. Whoever does not strive for eternal happiness in the Lord does not love himself.
Thus, to love oneself means (among other things) to do what contributes to communion with eternal blissful life. Contributes to this fulfillment, love for God and His creation.
Just as the love of one person for another is associated with a desire to save him and not lose him, so love for oneself implies the desire not to lose oneself for the eternal Kingdom of Heaven: “whoever loses his soul for the sake of Me and the Gospel will save it” ().
As love in general implies, so love for oneself requires taking up one's cross and following Christ ().
The commandment “love your neighbor as yourself” () indicates that, ideally, love for your neighbor should not be inferior to the love that a person has for himself.
This rejects the idea of self-love as self-love, because self-love implies the opposite: a selfish, and often dismissive attitude towards people.
Each person is unique and unrepeatable not only externally, but also internally. Each of us has its own character traits, characteristics, psychology and worldview. We all have self-esteem, but this character trait is developed differently for everyone. Let's see what self-love is and who are self-loving people?
Definition of self-love
It's good when a person has self-esteem, but, as they say, there should be a measure in everything. Each of us has pride, but this character trait is only different varying degrees of development. If you look into various sources to find the definition of the word self-love, then you can understand that this is the spiritual and moral quality of a single person.
A person cannot love someone if he does not love himself. This character trait should be manifested as respect for oneself and recognition of one's own dignity. Thanks to this trait, a person can constantly grow spiritually and develop. It will become:
- smarter;
- more attractive;
- maintain their prestige in society.
If a person does not love and respect himself, he cannot develop and improve intellectually, spiritually and physically normally.
When pride helps a person to show restraint and responsibility for his actions and actions, then this can be assessed as a positive quality in character. Sometimes this feeling is developed so strongly that a person does not notice his own shortcomings. In this case, pride develops into pride and ambition, turning into selfishness.
Selfishness - is it good or bad?
Most psychologists say that self-love is a good feeling. Other experts in the field of psychology believe that it is wrong to exalt oneself, since one can morally degrade over time. To some extent, they are right, because often a highly developed pride gives people a sense of superiority over the rest. Over time, this leads to hyperbolization of one's own "I".
Adequate self-esteem always perceived positively in society. It is very good when a person has:
- a sense of dignity;
- does not allow himself to be offended;
- accepts comments addressed to him;
- achieves the set goals.
The sages have always said that low self-esteem is much worse than high self-esteem. Another thing is when it comes to a proud person. This is immediately evident and does not allow her to live normally in society. In this case, she is not able to soberly assess her strengths and capabilities. In a proud person, personal interests prevail over the interests of other people, since she sees himself as superior to everyone else. This quality makes the selfish person unpleasant for other people and his character unbearable.
Against the background of sick pride, people often develop neurasthenia. Gradually, this leads to other negative consequences. A person constantly seems to be underestimated and to console feelings of narcissism, he may lose control of himself. This can serve as a signal for bad actions:
- gluttony;
- alcoholism;
- drug addiction and other antisocial behavior.
How to get rid of excess self-love?
When one of us hears words of praise addressed to him, he begins to grow in his own eyes. If a person is constantly underestimated, undeservedly scolded, criticized, he falls in the eyes of himself and those around him. Especially self-esteem in women is acutely developed. In adulthood, this begins to manifest itself more strongly. All representatives of the weaker sex always react negatively to comments, for example, about their appearance. For this reason, you should not directly tell women about this, but it is better to hint or say softly in private.
It's good when a person strives somewhere, works on himself, he has his own goals that he wants to achieve if they are useful for him and society. Normal pride should not lead to self-destruction of the individual, to his degradation. In a good sense, this feeling should be a kind of catalyst for desires and actions.
If this feeling is adequate and helps you go through life, then you should not get rid of it. In this case, this feature is positive, its can't be considered a disadvantage.. To the best of developed self-esteem, you can be proud. It will help to move forward, not to stop there, to continue self-development.
A proud person with a wounded and sick feeling requires the help of a qualified specialist in the field of psychology, with a visit to special trainings. Such people will not be able to notice their own shortcomings on their own and take the word of others that they have high self-esteem. They create their own ideal image with which they are impregnated. This is reminiscent of pride and ambition, which gradually leads to disrespect for others.
If self-love is combined with philanthropy, respect for others, then it can be called positive trait character and quality. It will help you live, appreciate yourself, not let yourself be offended and believe in yourself.
Let's try to understand the meaning of the term "self-love" and try to understand what it is. So, pride is a trait that is inherent in everyone, it differs only in degree, more or less, each has its own. Self-love allows you to determine the winning sides, the degree of development, sociability, the ability to self-criticism and the normal perception of criticism from the outside, identifying your personality. This feature of character makes it possible to set a high bar for ourselves, and achieve the desired with confidence, a sense of pride pushes us forward, allows us to draw conclusions from the criticism received, and improve our achievement list. This is a kind of ability to identify its significance in the chain - I and the world around.
Sick or wounded pride - what does it mean?
Everything should be in moderation, this also applies to pride. Its excess does not allow a person to adequately assess the forces and opportunities, to perceive appropriate criticism addressed to him. With wounded pride, refusals and the mildest attempts to point out mistakes will be taken with hostility, followed by a violent reaction and even aggression. According to practicing psychologists, heightened self-esteem is a consequence of an existing inferiority complex, an attempt to hide dissatisfaction with oneself behind an ideal mask, but is not a mental disorder.
Selfishness - is it good or bad?
Answering the question that followed, you need to clearly understand what measure of self-love we are talking about. If you mean adequate self-esteem, a sense of dignity, the ability to accept comments addressed to you, but at the same time not to offend yourself and achieve your goals, then of course it’s good. The sages said that great self-esteem is better than low self-esteem. But when it comes to self-love, which is visible to the naked eye, which interferes with existing in society, which does not allow you to intelligently assess the possibilities and strengths, if your interests prevail over the interests of others, personal significance is higher than other people - this is not the most important thing. best quality character. Following sick pride, neurasthenia will come, because it will constantly seem to a person that he is underestimated, to console his narcissistic ego, to indulge in all serious things: alcoholism, gluttony, drug addiction and other antisocial actions.
How to get rid of self-love?
In cases of adequate self-love, 
do not get rid of it, it is more a reason for pride than a disadvantage. Self-love, within normal limits, will be an engine forward, to accomplishments and achievements, a desire for self-development, the ability to derive personal benefit from these mistakes and defeats. When it comes to a sick, wounded self-esteem, then, most likely, one cannot do without the help of a qualified psychologist and attending trainings. Because a narcissistic person will not take your word for it that they have self-esteem issues.
Appreciate yourself, believe in personal capabilities, and do not let yourself be offended.
Dictionary of Efremova
pride
cf.
Self-esteem, self-respect (usually combined with
increased attention to the opinion of others).
Orthodox Encyclopedic Dictionary
pride
one of the manifestations of the sin of pride: addiction to oneself, vanity and vanity in everything that concerns one's personality, the desire for primacy, honor, distinction, advantages over others.
Ozhegov's dictionary
SAMOL YU BIE, I, cf. Self-esteem, self-respect, self-assertion. Painful with. (exacerbated). Offended s. Spare who. With. (do not give rise to feelings of resentment, offended pride).
Encyclopedia of Brockhaus and Efron
pride
Consciousness of one's own merits and abilities and the ensuing desire to manifest them in various fields of activity and the requirement for their recognition by others. Since correct self-assessment is very difficult, S. is often false, that is, a person requires others to recognize for him such qualities and virtues that he does not possess. About S. in a deeper philosophical sense, see Egoism.
Dictionary Ushakov
pride
vanity, self-love, cf. A high assessment of one's strengths, combined with a jealous attitude towards the opinion of others about oneself; sensitivity to the opinions of others about themselves. A man of great pride. False selfishness. Painful selfishness. Spare someone's ego. “Perhaps, don’t say this to the author, out of regret for youth and the author’s pride, the most restless of all pride: talent is needed, but there is not a trace of it here.” Goncharov.
Pedagogical terminological dictionary
pride
a moral sense in which a person's respect for himself as a person is expressed. S. has a lot to do with pride. But S. is more personal in nature. expresses a person's subjective assessment of his own abilities and capabilities. S. can act as a positive motive for behavior when it helps a person overcome difficulties in order to achieve moral results and encourages a person to protect his dignity. In this case, S. becomes a stable moral quality of the individual. S. is a negative quality when it turns into narcissism, unreasonable pride. Inadequate perception of one's own "I" interferes with the creative activity of a person, establishing contacts with other people. In order to prevent the formation of negative features of S. with early years it is necessary to teach the child to give a critical moral assessment of his actions.
(Bim-Bad B.M. Pedagogical encyclopedic Dictionary. - M., 2002. S. 252)
Philosophical Dictionary (Comte-Sponville)
pride
pride
♦ Amour-Propre
Self love from the other person's point of view; the desire to be loved, to arouse approval or admiration; horror at the thought that another person might hate or despise you. La Rochefoucauld sees in self-love the main of our passions and the mainspring of all others. The more condescending and more just Rousseau insists on a distinction between self-love and self-love: “Love of oneself is a natural feeling that prompts every animal to take care of self-preservation, and in man this feeling is guided by reason and moderated by compassion, giving rise to humanity and virtue. Self-love is a derivative, artificial feeling that arises only in society, forcing each individual to give himself more value than anything else, which encourages people to do each other all kinds of evil and is the true source of the concept of honor ”(“Discourse on the origin and foundations of inequality between people”, note XV). The transition from one to the other is fairly easy to explain. Of course, we live for ourselves, but only in the environment of other people and thanks to them. Therefore, it is not surprising that we like it when other people treat us with love. Self-love is the desire for this love, directed at oneself, but carried out through other people. It is love for others in the name of oneself and love for oneself expressed by others. To assert that self-love is unhappy love, as Alain does, is to fall into a double error. In fact, injections of pride are nothing more than minor troubles against the backdrop of life's drama. Sometimes real grief can heal from them. Sometimes, perhaps, a great happiness.
